The Foggy Windshield Problem

Before anything happens—while things are good and trust is strong—is the best time to think through how we handle conflict when it comes. And it will come. When church problems arise, fog descends.

You hear something happened at church. There was a disagreement. Someone left upset. A decision got made that rubbed people wrong. And immediately, your mind starts trying to piece it together.

You ask a few questions. You hear a few versions. You form an opinion. And you're completely confident you understand what happened.

Except you don't. You can't. Because you're looking through a foggy windshield.

Unless you actually know both people involved—really know them, not just recognize their faces on Sunday—you don't have the backstory. You don't know their history. You don't know what was said in private. You don't know the context that shaped their response. The fragments you have aren't enough to build a whole picture—especially when you don't even know which pieces are missing.

That's dangerous territory for the body of Christ.

What You Can't See

Proverbs 18:17 nails this:

He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.

The first story always sounds right. It always makes sense. The person telling it comes across reasonable, justified, maybe even wronged. But then you hear the other side, and suddenly the picture changes. Details emerge that change everything. Context you didn't have suddenly matters. And what seemed clear gets complicated real fast.

But most of us never get to the second side. We hear one version, form a judgment, and move on. We think we understand when we're really just guessing. What feels like discernment is often just assumption.

You can't solve a problem you don't fully understand. And you can't fully understand a problem between people you don't fully know.

The Relationship Gap

This is where church gets messy. We sit in the same building every week and call each other brother and sister, but how many of those people do you actually know? I'm not talking about knowing their name or where they work. I mean knowing their story. Their struggles. Their growth. Their character over time.

This is why church membership and consistent attendance matter beyond just showing up. You can't build that kind of knowledge through occasional contact. That takes time and commitment—being present through seasons, not just Sundays.

When a problem erupts between two people you don't really know, the best you can do is view it through fog. You see shapes. You see movement. But you don't see clearly. And unclear vision leads to unclear judgment, which leads to unclear resolution.

The Leadership Context

Hebrews 13:17 tells us to obey them that have the rule over us because "they watch for your souls." Your pastor, your deacons and elders—they know things you don't know. They've walked with people through seasons you never saw. Context you can't access shapes their decisions. And when they make decisions that don't make sense to you, maybe they're not wrong—maybe you're looking through fog and they're not.

Pastor, if you're reading this: Your people can't shepherd alongside you if they don't know what you know. And they don't know what you know. That's not a failure. It's how shepherding works. Don't apologize for protecting confidences. Just keep earning the trust that makes protection possible.

The Trust Problem

When you don't have full information and you don't have full relationships, you've got to decide what you're going to do with that gap.

You can fill it with suspicion. Assume the worst. Side with whoever tells the most convincing story. Nurse your doubts and let them grow into division.

Or trust the people God placed in leadership. Stay in your lane. Pray instead of speculate. Support instead of critique.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 says,

And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; And to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake.

Esteem them highly. Not because they're perfect. But because they're called, and they're watching, and they see what you can't see.

Moving Forward with a Sweet Spirit

So what do you do when something happens at church and you don't understand it?

First, recognize the fog. Admit you don't have all the information. Resist the urge to form strong opinions based on incomplete data. Be humble enough to say, "I don't know enough to judge this."

Second, build relationships. You can't know everything about everyone, but you can know some people well enough that when conflict comes, context exists. History matters. Trust has been built over time.

Third, default to trust. Not blind trust. Not foolish trust. But the kind of trust that says, "I don't understand this decision, but I trust the character of the people making it." That's biblical submission. That's how the body functions.

Fourth, stay sweet. What you don't know shouldn't poison what you do know. Confusion shouldn't become criticism. Questions shouldn't turn into accusations.

Ephesians 4:3 tells us to endeavor "to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Unity isn't about understanding everything—it's about trusting enough to stay bonded even when things are unclear.

You Can't See What You Can't See

The hardest thing to accept is that some things aren't meant for you to figure out. Some decisions aren't yours to make, some problems aren't yours to solve, and some information isn't yours to have.

That doesn't mean leadership is hiding things—it means they're shepherding people, and shepherding requires discretion. That means protecting privacy and handling things privately that don't need to be public.

You're not called to understand everything. You're called to trust God, honor leadership, love your brothers and sisters, and keep a sweet spirit even when you're looking through fog.

The reality? We're all looking through fog in some area. None of us sees perfectly. 1 Corinthians 13:12 reminds us,

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

One day we'll see clearly and understand fully. Until then, we walk by faith, we trust God's order in the church, and we refuse to let partial knowledge create full division.

The fog isn't a problem to eliminate—it's a reality we walk through. Build relationships for context. Trust leadership for stability. Keep sweet spirits for unity. And remember that God sees clearly even when we don't.

The fog will clear eventually. Make sure you're still standing together when it does.